M.O. (Mode of Operation)

"Life waits for no one", they saidSo I ranShoes in one hand and my dreams in the other I ran for life to discover me and sprinted myself to exhaustionNo one told me that I could turn into my worst enemy against the clock of my own makingI am stuck - waiting for the car in the distance to stop runningWaiting for the engine to give out and release steam, unclogging my faulty brain and all the gears that have convinced me that I can not just give it a restLet me know when I can stopWhen I can stop running after cars in the distance while I am panting out of breath due to unceasing timed testsMaybe it’s not for time, maybe it’s against timeMaybe it’s all for success or better yet ego Maybe I sprint because jogging is stupid and walking is boring and standing is uselessI’ve convinced myself that I can do all the thingsThat I can be that girl - am that girl that you can not tape measure into shapeThat you can not bend or break me into place - that I am trying to get somewhereAnd in order to get there, that twinkle in the twilight, that frazzle dazzle in the skyYou must be everything to yourself and outrun everything if you try But my ambition fails to hide the trail my blistered feet have left behindAnd to my dismay, I will surely find that I have been running in a circleThere are sores on my heels from where my feet have joined with pavementThere are sores on my psyche from where my dreams have joined with pavement I'm so close to falling on my knees that my body is conditioning itself for impact Like - fall - maybe this will feel better Just fall and the floor will hold and rock me until my inadequacy will be numbed with exhaustion from running Let it fall downDown into a low, quiet rumbleMaybe the ground will be kinder to me with it resting on it Maybe it will all get easier when I am no longer chasing after life to come and find me-Victoria Angelique