I held onto herWith a grip so tightSand couldn't even escapeSlip between my fingersI held onto the thought of herAs if letting you goWould suck out the lifeThat barely existed in meWorry sets my brain on fireShe begins to slip awayMy heart and soul begin to burnI lose controlI become lost in a pile of ashesOne speck at a timeBeing lifted by the frigid airAnd blown away into the pastFor the first time I realizedThis feeling is differentYou see I am no longer holding ontoMy abuser orThe ones who have wronged meI'm holding onto meThe old meThe me that was beaten downAnd burnedUntil she was just a pile of ashesFor she is something I learn from everydayShe taught me how to fight for meShe taught me how to believe in meShe taught me that time is magicalThough she is not in my bones anymoreI still see traces of her every dayThat small benchWhere loneliness surrounded herNot allowing anyone to come nearThat creaky windowShe covered upSo that no one could see her scarsAnd that porch with the swinging chairWhere she watched the peopleWho were supposed to love herPass byWithout acknowledging her presenceIgnoring her humanityLeaving teardropsTo saturate her t-shirtI believe in herBut I can't have herI left the ashes on the groundAnd walked awayTo a better meTo a better lifeAnd let me tell you--The best is yet to come    ___________________________________Photo by John-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash